


Is It Too Late, Daichi?

by omgdaichi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:35:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgdaichi/pseuds/omgdaichi
Summary: Daichi is happy, and Suga will support love him from the sidelines, even if it means he can't be.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Michimiya Yui/Sawamura Daichi, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 79





	Is It Too Late, Daichi?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. I got emo and then I wrote this....

They met on the first day of high school, Suga remembers it fondly. He was excited about starting somewhere new, somewhere he could make friends and memories, maybe join a club or two. What he didn’t expect was to meet someone like Daichi Sawamura. 

Daichi was kind, honest, and really, really funny. He got along with Suga’s friends, introduced him to Asahi, another first-year who was a little shy but kind, and Suga really liked him. They ate lunch together, Daichi would walk him home, and they even made the volleyball team together. It was easy, being with Daichi. And then two years passed and they were third years. Suga was in a higher class but Daichi still met him for lunch. He still walked him home. They still played volleyball together. The difference was that now it was getting more difficult for Suga to be around Daichi. 

The summer leading up to third-year Daichi grew. He got taller, about two inches taller than Suga, and he built up muscle from helping his dad in construction. The first time Suga saw him back at school, his stomach flipped and he was worried he was going to pass out. It’s not that Daichi wasn’t ever attractive, it’s simply that over the summer, Suga realized he liked guys. And Daichi happened to be a guy. And Suga happened to love Daichi’s personality and suddenly he was hot, stripping off his school uniform to put on his practice t-shirt and Suga had to turn away before his face burst into flames. He avoided looking at Daichi during practice, and when it was time to go home, he stuttered through an excuse that he had to stay behind and study. 

Of course, he couldn’t avoid Daichi forever. Eventually, he had to talk to him, he had to look at him, and he couldn’t help but fall for him. He tried to deny it for a long time. He would write off his heart flipping on itself whenever Daichi smiled at him as loving having such a great friend. He ignored the way his cheeks heated up whenever Daichi complimented him. He told himself that the ache he felt when Daichi threw his arm around his shoulders was simply because he was a little touch starved, even though his parents hugged him every day. He ignored it until he couldn’t. 

Daichi and Michimiya started dating as soon as they realized they were going to the same university. Suga wasn’t so stupid as to room with Daichi, and Daichi bought his excuse of wanting to meet new people, but they were close enough that Suga had run into Michimiya leaving Daichi’s room looking thoroughly fucked. The first time it happened, she blushed and waved to him before scurrying back to her dorm, and Suga ran into the bathroom and vomited up his dinner. He sat on the bathroom floor and tried to stop his hands from shaking, but he couldn’t stop himself from crying. He’d never experienced heartbreak before, but he figured this must be it. He couldn’t sleep and every time a sob wracked through his body, he wanted nothing more than to reach out to Daichi. But he couldn’t because his best friend was the reason he was like this. 

Daichi never seemed to notice. He asked once if Suga was doing okay because he seemed tired, but Suga brushed it off. He told him he was just stressed from exams, and Daichi, sweet Daichi, offered to help him study. Suga accepted, because he was weak and it meant he could spend more time with him, but he regretted it when it meant that Daichi would come over after hanging out with Michimiya. He smelled like her, and sometimes when he would shift, Suga would catch a glance of a hickey by the collar of his shirt. He didn’t want to hate being around Daichi, because he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Daichi was still a good friend, he still made time for everyone and nothing changed except for Suga. 

Asahi asked him one night. They were in Asahi’s room because Noya was visiting, Daichi had just left to see Michimiya, and when he shut the door Asahi tugged at Suga’s sleeve. He glanced down and realized he was picking at his cuticles again, and when he looked at Asahi he felt his face burn. “How long have you liked him?”

Suga shrugged and kept his eyes on his own hands. “Forever, maybe.”

Noya, who was curled up in Asahi’s lap, shifted and poked at Suga’s foot with his own. “Hey, you’re awesome, Suga. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

Asahi mumbled something into his hair, but Suga zoned out after that. He didn’t want to think about hypotheticals. Telling Daichi how he felt would do nothing for them now. Daichi was happy, Suga could tell. When they first got together, Suga looked for any shred of doubt that Daichi didn’t like her, that maybe it was just convenience or something for fun, but Daichi was serious about her. He smiled when he talked about her, his eyes lit up when she walked in the room, and he was simply very happy. And Michimiya was good. She was beautiful and sweet, she got along with everyone, even Suga, even though it hurt to talk to her and watch her kiss him. She really was perfect for him, and that might have been what hurt the most. 

Suga had thought about it, had thought about him and Daichi. If they dated, they would have fun, it would be like it always was except more. Daichi could hold his hand and cuddle him while they had movie night, he could kiss him goodnight and good morning, he could kiss him whenever he wanted. Things could be so good. But things could go wrong. They fought sometimes, about stupid things, sure. Suga was stubborn and Daichi over-explained everything, which would piss Suga off, and they wouldn’t talk for a day or so until Suga calmed down and they apologized. But worse than fights, if something did go wrong and they broke up, Suga would lose Daichi. He would lose his best friend and someone he trusted with his life. And that thought hurt more than never being able to be with him as something more. 

It was that thought that kept Suga from completely ruining everything by running to Daichi and just confessing. It was that thought that made him hold back his feelings, even around Asahi, who knew but pretended he didn’t. Suga sucked it up, and he acted like himself whenever they hung out. He made conversation with Michimiya, they went out and had fun, and everything would be fine as long as he kept pushing his feelings down. He could love Daichi as a friend if that’s what he had to do to keep him in his life. He could do it. He could.

“I think I might propose.”

Suga’s entire body froze. He was thankful he had his back to Daichi who was laying on the floor of his dorm room tossing a volleyball above his chest. His fingers felt numb and the pencil he was holding dropped onto his notepad. “What?” His voice cracked.

“After graduation.” Daichi hadn’t stopped tossing the ball, as if nothing major was being talked about. “We’re going to move in together and I mean, we’ll have jobs. I’m working at the fire station and she has something lined up in the literature department here so we’ll be financially stable.”

Suga nodded, unable to breathe until his body forced him to drag in a hollow breath. He felt as though his heart had dropped to his stomach and was sitting there, waiting for him to throw it back up. Daichi was saying something, but he couldn’t focus on anything until he heard his name. 

“Suga?” He turned and saw Daichi looking at him, his face open and so handsome. His hair wasn’t styled, he’d let it air dry and the dark hair fell over his forehead in a way that reminded Suga of high school when Daichi would walk him home and let Suga be covered by the umbrella instead. His eyes stung, but he blinked away possible tears. “You’ll be my best man, won’t you?”

Suga nodded, his voice strained as he managed to agree. Daichi had smiled and then laid back down to continue throwing the ball up. Suga let himself look, just for a moment, before he went back to his homework. Daichi was talking again but Suga couldn’t remember what he said. He stared at the same page of his textbook and never picked up his pencil again. 

When Daichi left, Suga didn’t move from his desk. He didn’t know how long he stayed there until he felt a tap on his shoulder. His roommate looked like he’d seen a ghost and then he was gone and suddenly Asahi was there. He let his friend take him back to his room, and he stayed there half curled into Asahi, and cried. Asahi rubbed his back, made him drink water, and let him borrow his hoodie to sleep in, and he listened as Suga sobbed ugly horrible noises. He eventually tired himself out and slipped into a sleepless slumber. 

He woke up to Asahi talking on the phone with someone, and by the tone of his voice and the excessive use of “baby”, he determined it was Noya. He was telling Noya that Suga was with him, that’s why he wasn’t answering his calls, and Suga figured Daichi must have mentioned his plans of proposing to everyone else. The reminder made him start crying again, and Asahi quickly hung up and pulled him closer. 

“Suga, you have to tell him.” Suga shook his head. That wasn’t even a possibility. “You’re hurting and you can’t just push your feelings down. It’s not healthy.”

“I can’t,” he whispered, shaking his head until he felt dizzy. “I can’t do that. He’s happy.”

Asahi sighed because he knew it was true, and Suga tried to relax again. “I think that if you let him know, even if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know. And you can cry and be hurt but then you can move on.”

“He’ll hate me.” His voice sounded pathetic, and he turned away and onto his back. “He’ll hate me and I’ll lose him forever.”

“He won’t hate you. It’d be impossible for him to hate you, Suga.” Asahi’s voice was soft and so sincere that Suga almost believed him. “I don’t like seeing you hurt so much.”

Suga let new tears roll down his face. “I’m sorry.” Asahi sighed and reached over to grab his hand. Suga looked down at them and squeezed gently. Asahi had always been there for him, no matter what, and he was thankful to have someone like him in his life, but he wasn’t Daichi. And none of the dates he went on were ever Daichi either. He swallowed down a sob and dropped their hands. His heart hurt and he felt weak. His voice was small when he said, “I don’t want to love him this much.”

Suga avoids Daichi. He feels awful about it, he does, but he can’t even think about him without feeling as though his entire world is about to come crumbling down. He knows he’s probably being dramatic, that it can’t hurt as bad as it seems, but then he sees a text in the group message from him. He’s asking if anyone wants to help him go shopping for a ring and Suga drops his phone. He stays in bed for the rest of the day and skips his classes. His roommate tries to ask what’s wrong, brings him food from the cafeteria, and sets tea by his bed before he goes to stay as his girlfriend’s for the night. This continues for a week. Suga dodges everyone’s calls, even Asahi’s, and he doesn’t get up when they come to his door. He gives in on day three and sent a text to Asahi that he was fine, he just wanted to be alone. 

Eventually, Suga makes himself get up and drinks his old water until he doesn’t feel like he’s dying from dehydration. He doesn’t want to, but he pulls himself out of bed and into the showers. He stays under the hot water and scrubs his skin until he can’t feel it anymore. His skin is pink when he steps out and stares into the mirror. The bags under his eyes are getting dark and he notes that he needs to re-do his hair, but the thought of doing that makes him even more tired. Daichi used to do his hair every month or so. He was precise, always checking to make sure Suga’s scalp wasn’t burning even though Suga would laugh and tell him not to worry about it. He would help him rinse it out and Suga would savor the moments when his fingers massaged the top of his head and the back of his neck. It was in moments like that that Suga thought they might have had a chance. 

He shakes his head and digs into his shower bag for his face wash. When he’s done and feels less disgusting, he drags himself back to his room and stares at his bed. It would be so easy to just crawl back under his sheets and sleep until the morning, but he turns to his closet and gets dressed. He feels like he’s going through the motions, and when he locks his room and heads out of the building, he tries to keep his mind off everything by taking his usual morning run route. Ten minutes later, he ends up at one of the parks by campus. The metal benches are cool when he sits down, and he wraps his scarf around him a little tighter. It’s not so much of a park, rather a large pond with benches equal distance apart, a running path alongside it that leads to the set of swings and a lone slide that’s never used. Sometimes he comes here to work on homework or just get his mind off things, mostly because it’s quiet and far away from any elementary school so kids are never around to be loud. 

He focuses on breathing, tilts his head up to look at the stars, and tries to remember the constellations he learned about. It’s not a good idea. He learned them with Daichi back in their second year of high school, before he knew he was in love with him before everything was so complicated. 

They were worn out from practice, and Suga had a bad day, so he didn’t hesitate when Daichi grabbed his hand and led him to the park by his house. They laid on the ground, not minding the wet grass underneath them. Daichi pointed out the big dipper and the constellations surrounding them, laughing because he only knew some of them because his sister loved the stars and he learned them to talk to her about them. They ended up talking for so long that they lost track of time. Suga’s mom had called him, asking where he was, and Daichi apologized profusely and promised to get him back home safe. Suga laughed at him, but didn’t turn down Daichi’s offer to walk him home. They walked in comfortable silence, their shoulders brushing, and when they got close to Suga’s house, Daichi slowed down to a stop. Suga slowed with him, and when he looked at him, Daichi smiled softly at him. “Hey, Suga?” His voice was softer than normal, and Suga felt himself draw closer to him, his brown eyes searching Suga’s face for something, before he met his eyes again. “Thanks for, uh, indulging me, ya know? For being my friend.”  
Suga remembered the way his cheeks warmed, and he remembered thinking he was just happy, maybe a little embarrassed. And he’d nodded and they’d said goodnight. 

Suga’s cheeks are wet, freezing from the cold that nips at his skin now. He reaches up and wipes the tears away, then closes his eyes and tries to think about anything else. 

“Suga?”

He turns his head and nearly jumps when he sees Daichi staring at him, looking out of breath. His cheeks are rosy and his hair is barely poking out of the beanie on his head, covering part of his red ears. Suga watches him, unsure that’s he’s real, as he walks over and takes a seat next to him. “What are you doing out here?” He feels himself ask, unable to look away as Daichi stuffs his hands into his pockets and huffs to catch his breath. 

“Looking for you.” He says, furrowing his brows and frowning at Suga as though he’s asked a stupid question. “It’s cold, what are you doing out here so late?”

Suga’s heart hasn’t caught up with the situation yet, and he stutters through a breath before he shakes his head. “Just needed to get out of my room.” He looks away from Daichi and down at his feet. “You’re wearing slippers.”

“Uh, oh yeah.” Daichi laughs and crosses his feet at his ankles. “Well, I thought you’d be in your room but you weren’t there so I kind of just ran out here like this.” 

Suga looks up at him again, and Daichi’s eyes are open and warm. He realizes he’s missed him. “Why were you looking for me?” It’s not the question he really wants to ask, but it’s what his brain comes up with and pushes out. 

Daichi looks away this time, down at Suga’s hands where he’s nervously lacing and unlacing his fingers together. “Well, you weren’t talking to me. The past week you’ve been ignoring me, and I wanted to check in and see if you were mad or something. I guess.” He looks over at Suga and Suga feels his heart catch up, he feels it start to ache again. “I just wanted to make sure we were okay.” Daichi’s eyes tell more than his face ever has. He’s never been very expressive, making people think he’s boring or simply a grump. Suga’s always been able to tell how he’s really feeling, as long as he can catch a glimpse of his eyes. He feels tears prick at the back of his eyelids when he sees that Daichi’s sad, and maybe a little broken. Suga wonders if he sees the same in his eyes. “We’re okay, right?”

Suga blinks and feels the tears coming, quicker this time, and he nods, his voice shaking when he answers. “We’re okay.” Daichi’s mouth forms a thin line, and there’s a slight furrow in his brow that Suga knows means that he doesn’t believe him. It’s the same face he made when Suga pretended his wrist wasn’t sprained before their first big game back in high school. It also meant he was worried again. “I’m okay, Daichi. We’re okay.”

Daichi’s eyes wander, and Suga can tell that he knows Suga’s lying. “You don’t talk to me anymore.” He says, and Suga sniffles pathetically, because Daichi’s voice is so small, so hurt, and Suga knows he’s the cause of it. “And it’s not new. Ever since we started university you’ve been… distant, I guess. And I can-Suga, I can tell that something’s up.” He shakes his head and frowns, like he doesn’t know whether or not to get angry. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything-” Suga’s voice breaks, and he stops himself from reaching out to him. Daichi looks at him again and he can’t stop the tears that slip down his face. 

“Suga-”

“It’s not your fault, okay?” He tries for a reassuring smile, but Daichi’s eyes are round now, his eyes are wet, and the stars reflecting in them make Suga break. He reaches up and wipes at his face. “You didn’t do anything but be yourself.”

He can feel Daichi watching him as he tries to gain his composure. “I don’t understand.”

Suga laughs, weakly, because of course, he doesn’t. He’s oblivious in an adorable way but right now Suga wishes he could just read his mind. “I’m scared to tell you.” His voice is shaky, and his hands ache. His heart is beating too fast, making him feel dizzy. “It’s my fault anyway.”

“Suga.” His voice feels far away now, and Suga flinches when he feels Daichi’s hand on top of his own. “You’re scaring me.”

Suga looks over at him now, and he takes a long glance at his face. Daichi is handsome, he always has been, and now his nose is a little red, matching his cheeks, and Suga really wants to kiss him. The idea makes him cry a little more, but he holds the tears back, and with all he can manage, he tells him. “I’m in love with you, Daichi.” Daichi’s hand goes still on his own, and Suga’s resolve cracks. A lifeless laugh breaks past his lips at the look on Daichi’s face. His brows are furrowed together again, and his lips part in a sort of gasp. “It’s stupid, right? You’re my best friend and I had to go and fall in love with you.”

“You-” He shakes his head and looks back down at where he hasn’t moved his hand yet. Suga watches emotions run across his face, and he tries to soak in every moment he has left with him. “How long?”

“I don’t know.” Suga’s voice is quiet now, ugly, and if Daichi wasn’t so close, he may not have been able to hear him. “Since high school at least. Maybe before I knew what it was.”

Dachi’s jaw clenches, and he meets Suga’s eyes again. He wants to flinch away, because Daichi is angry now, his eyes burning through Suga’s own teary ones. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He says, and his voice holds anger, but it’s broken down into something that makes Suga want to reach out and fix. But he knows he can’t. 

The question makes him want to laugh again, but he can’t do much other than open his mouth and let the words roll off his tongue. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

Daichi’s eyes don’t leave his, and Suga has to look away before he loses it. Daichi pulls his hand away and Suga lets out a choked sound. He feels a sob wrack through his body, and his stomach twists in on itself. His hands are numb and his legs feel heavy, even though he wants to run as far away as he can right now. He’s just lost his best friend and all he can do is sit there and try not to vomit. It’s freezing now, but he can’t feel much else. 

His eyes start to glaze over, but he chokes on a gasping sob when he sees Daichi in front of him, crouched down and reaching for his face. He’s frozen in place as a warm hand cups his cheek, his fingers hesitant as they wipe the tears from under his eyes. “Daichi-” he hiccups. Daichi doesn’t pull his hand away, and Suga starts to cry again. He looks sad, and Suga realizes he’s been crying too. “I’m sorry.” He slowly sinks to his knees in front of Daichi, on eyelevel with him now, he reaches for his jacket and grips the material in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Suga…” Daichi hasn’t moved his hand yet, and Suga hasn’t stopped crying. He feels disgusting, mostly pathetic, but he can’t stop himself, not when Daichi’s crying too. “I..I didn’t know.”

“I know.” Suga nods. “I didn’t want you to.”  
“But why?” His voice breaks then, and Suga hates himself.

“Cause you don’t love me.” It hurts to say, even though he’s known for so long. Even though it’s what he tells himself everyday, what he’s reminded of everyday. He’s never said it out loud like that. It feels permanent. 

Daichi leans forward then, his forehead pressing against Suga’s, and it shocks him. “You’re supposed to be the smart one.”

“What?”

Daichi presses his lips to his. It’s light, and barely there, but it takes Suga’s breath away. His hands tighten on Daichi’s jacket again, and Daichi’s hand slides to the back of his head, pulls him closer, and he kisses him again. Suga’s eyelids flutter shut, and Daichi breathes his breath back into him, making his tight chest loosen, and his heart starts to pound again. He gasps against him, and Daichi huffs and kisses him again and again and again until Suga’s brain catches up with what’s happening. 

He pulls back, just enough, so he can look at Daichi’s eyes. “What are you doing?”

“What I’ve wanted to do since graduation.” He leans in again, his next sentence mumbled against Suga’s lips. “I love you, Koushi.”

Suga’s hands are shaking, and his heart is in his throat. “You were going to propose-”

“I’ve been trying to tell you all week.” Daichi’s lips brush against his. “We broke up. I-I broke up with her.”

“What?” 

Daichi laughs, a little huff of a breath against Suga’s lips. “You wouldn’t answer my calls.”

“You were looking at rings. You were happy.”

Suga looks at him, and Daichi’s eyes reflect something new, a look he hasn’t seen since high school, a look he only saw when they were playing volleyball together, when they went to nationals together. It’s a look that Daichi gave him when Suga sent him the winning set, something they never expected, and pulled him in and held his face between his hands. When he smiled so brightly Suga felt as though he was staring into the sun. “I was thinking, when I was looking at the rings,” he’s speaking slowly, making sure Suga gets every word. “That I didn’t want to give one to anyone but someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with.” Suga’s breath hitches, and Daichi’s fingers massage the back of his head, his other hand comes up to cup his jaw and bring him closer. “You’re the only one I’ve always wanted to be with.”

It’s Suga who leans in for a kiss, and Daichi kisses back just as quickly. His heart is beating so rapidly, he’s scared it’s going to jump out of his chest, but he pulls Daichi towards him and kisses him deeper. He’d be okay if he died right then, he decides, and holds Daichi closer. 

Somehow, they make it back to Suga’s room. Their clothes come off, and they slip into Suga’s bed, clad in only their boxers. Suga can’t stop touching him, Daichi can’t stop kissing him, every inch of him, and he falls asleep with his arms curled around Suga, his lips pressed to the top of his head. Suga doesn’t sleep, he’s scared that if he closes his eyes, he’ll wake up in the morning and Daichi will be gone, that maybe this was all a dream. 

His eyes are dry in the morning as he watches the rise and fall of Daichi’s chest. Suga lets himself breathe in his scent, feel his warmth, and relish in the feeling of being held by Daichi, the person he’s been in love with for who knows how long now. And when Daichi wakes up, Suga feels warmth spread from his head all the way down to his toes when he leans down and kisses him. He smiles against Suga’s mouth and Suga pulls him in again. He feels dizzy, a little stupid, but mostly, he realizes as he meets Daichi’s eyes, sees the light in them as they rove over Suga’s face, he feels happy.

**Author's Note:**

> [Art](https://interstellarhitchhiker.tumblr.com/post/638002327975018496/big-angst-alert-this-daichi-and-suga-are) for this fic by Interstel!! Thank you so much :D


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